i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
