I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
