Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
