I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i think i just lost a toe
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
