So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
