You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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