i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she told me i tasted like america
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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