Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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