There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
