I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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