Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
