Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
