i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
