thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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