U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
