Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
