He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
