singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
