We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
