Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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