So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
