Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
