also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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