The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize