my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
