Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
