After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
