you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
