New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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