shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
