last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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