best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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