omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
