I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
