It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
