whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
