How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
