she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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