im drinking this country out of the recession.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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