i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
