Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
