i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
