It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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