Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
