she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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