I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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