Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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