No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
