She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
