Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
