The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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