so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
