man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
