im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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