in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
