I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
