The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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