Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
