ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think I just sharted jello shots
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
