We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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