I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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