Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
