Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
