I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
