I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
