1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
