nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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