So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
