Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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