I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't turn off my feet"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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