but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
