I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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