he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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