home. puking in laundry basket.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
