I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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