i was born a porn star she said
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
