Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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